A spot on the car seat carries    all the weight of holding    on to nothing. 

….

I sit pressed

Upon it now listening

To the pelting rain

Rain like rain

Never meant to fall, 

Watching the heaviness    grow in my cornering skull as  

Nietzsche rattles    amongst my mind: 

Or perhaps this is Kant 

Or perhaps this swallowing thinking has arisen without influence of anything but the trappings of my own mind caught 

Between a period of time not 

Driven by expectation. 

…..

I could let the thoughts grow the weight lay heavy sitting in the driveway of my empty home, 

And await the next obligation, 

The next occasion in which anyone    expects to see me alive,

A life 

Living in color and flesh and good fortune. 

……..

But    in this intermitted    period of waiting    hanging 

Onto nothing but my own

Decision of how

Time should be spent

Life should be dealt, 

I exist nowhere but in my own conscious and in my knowledge 

Of being alive. 

……….

I watch time tick in the waving windshield wipers, 

Revealing    in waves    against    the rain 

A vision of the world before me: 

……..

Leaves, 

Turning in the wind,  

Colorless    and without hold    to the arms that birthed them 

Expiring aspirations, 

Turning at the end 

Of this low, dishonest decade. 

……

Another wave of wiping arms: 

……..

A squirrel, 

Scuttling    between overhead drops    of acid, 

Licking up the burning sensation of knowing this to be its fate. 

Or    perhaps    that was a    chipmunk, 

Or a    rat, 

Or any body holding fur that thought it could make it through something like this 

…..

And this is all there is: 

Fragmented views in sporadic rain of defeatist leaves and nihilistic rodents, holding on in this final hour until perhaps the pouring balks in the face of a new day– 

……

And then me. 

Weighting, 

Denying my existence  

Can materialize outside  

Of external sightings,  

Letting the hour 

Hold me 

As I drink up this gaze of old world    dying before me.  

…….

Oh, My Word! Olivia would love to hear from you after reading this poem. Leave a comment below!

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Oh, My Word! is a weekly updated blog featuring fiction, poetry, drama, and essays for the world. #OhMyWordWednesday

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Hello! I am a poet and essayist who sometimes likes to share her work with the world! I am currently an English major at the University of Iowa and I write as often as I can when not spiraling into the black voids of the internet.

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