- Go skydiving.
- Definitely with a partner.
- Preferably with someone who has done it before.
- And who I never have to see again in case I pass out.
- Go skydiving with a no-strings-attached, experienced friend.
- Collect a series of no-strings-attached, experienced friends.
- But they have to be people who don’t judge me for anything.
- Also, they have to like me, but not enough to check in on me.
- Collect a series of no-strings-attached, experienced “friends” who possess little-to-no standards or emotional connection to me.
- Establish personal boundaries.
- My boundaries should be broader than they currently are.
- Hopefully, broad enough so that people don’t feel rewarded by our relationship and won’t make me feel guilty to do things with them or for them or decide that they need to lean on me for emotional support or worse.
- This isn’t going to work.
- Become independent.
- Read some articles online, or maybe in the library if I stop panicking about that book I accidentally stole, that will teach me how I can establish my autonomy in a world that makes it so hard to ever feel like I can just be myself without worrying about what someone else is thinking as I do it.
- Clear my search history afterward so I don’t come off looking like someone who doesn’t quite know who they are or where they belong or what they’re going to do if they just can’t convince themselves to get out of the house even though they’ve been told by people that Vitamin D is important and being cooped up in such small quarters for so many months is bad for them—but none of that matters if I never leave the house.
- Leave the house?
- The local grocery store delivers to my door now.
- Amazon Prime has two-day shipping. Sometimes, on a really good day, they have one-day shipping. Those days are the best.
- My unemployment still lasts for a few more months. I just have to cut back a little bit here and there.
- Try fasting.
- Don’t even think about going to the library to find out more.
- Watch some inspirational YouTube videos on how to stop eating.
- Delete search history after so people don’t worry about my habits.
- Crush all bad habits.
- Make a list. Even though, admittedly, I am no good at making them. They never actually work. I’ll feel good while writing everything down, but then I can never get around to really doing what I told myself I would do. Then, it just becomes a reminder of my failures. But I won’t have the heart to throw away my older dreams, so I just shove it into a filing folder titled “Lists to Check-off Someday” but secretly hope that I’ll just stop making lists and then forget that the folder even exists.
- “Stop criticizing myself.”
- “Stop feeling self-conscious.”
- “Stop biting my fingernails when I get anxious about what others think about me.”
- “Stop holding myself back.”
- Go Skydiving.
Oh, My Word! Jacob would love to hear from you after reading this unconventional-in-form, fiction piece. Do you have anything that you would like cross off your bucket list?
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Oh, My Word! is a weekly updated blog featuring fiction, poetry, drama, and essays for the world. #OhMyWordWednesdays
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